I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
