If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
