Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
