If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
