I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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