What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
