She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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