her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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