Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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