Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
