i just had sex bonerless
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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