She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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