i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
