mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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