yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
