hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
