I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
