Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
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Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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