u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
