I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
the liver wants what the liver wants
and you fell through a lawn chair
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
