She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
