I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
