just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
