i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
