Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
