I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast