Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.