Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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