Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We have so much sex to catch up on
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
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