so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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