He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
