I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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