I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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