I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
