dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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