Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
