6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
