we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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