my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
