are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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