I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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