i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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