I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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