i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
