you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
