So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
