Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
