if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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