Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
