i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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