Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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