420 ftw
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
