How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
