I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
