Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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