And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
