Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Of course I have a pirate flag
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We are all done wearing pants today
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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