Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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