my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
