Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I would fuck him just for his dog
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
