Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My liver just had a heart attack.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
