I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
