My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Your mouth is God's brothel.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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