I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
