dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
