she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
