Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
