This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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