dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
