i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
