He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
