bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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