he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
