I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
