Nicole vs. Life
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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