so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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