dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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