brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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