did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
