I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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