I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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