So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Enjoy the penises
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
