Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
