Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
