I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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